Breitbart.com Reviewed Whatever Movie They Watched Instead Of The Dark Knight Rises

by evanmcmurry

If you haven’t read Breitbart.com’s review of The Dark Knight Rises, well…don’t do so immediately, or even today, but perhaps the next time a houseguest leaves a bottle of Malort on your counter. Here are the hits:

Batman is lost — a warrior without a war who sacrificed everything for a city that in peacetime dismisses those that make peacetime possible. Now smug and soft, Gotham is going about the business of letting down its guard — a weakness that always invites aggression.

Aggression has already arrived in the form of Bane (Thomas Hardy), a hulk of a man burning with resentment against a society whose only provocation is being prosperous, generous, welcoming, and content — instead of miserable like him. In Gotham’s sewers, Bane recruits those like himself — the insecure thumbsuckers raging with a sense of entitlement, desperate to justify their own laziness and failure and to flaunt a false sense of superiority through oppression, violence, terror, and ultimately, total and complete destruction.

They’re orphans, dude. You must have been tweeting during that part.

Uncharacteristically, Alfred (The Mighty Michael Caine) has lost some of his perspective over the years. He’s America’s surrogate parent of our wounded warriors and only (and understandably) worried about his child’s happiness and well being. In a world where evil is real, though, touching and noble intentions such as Alfred’s only get in the way of a greater good that frequently requires unspeakable sacrifice.

Plus he’s British. Think they’re so big, with the Olympics. They’re not the boss of us!

As expected, “Dark Knight Rises” is a love letter to Gotham City: its flawed but ultimately decent people, its industry and generosity — all of which are by-products of liberty, free markets, and capitalism. In other words, just as “The Dark Knight” was a touching tribute to an embattled George W. Bush who chose to be seen as a villain in order to be the hero, “Rises” is a love letter to an imperfect America that in the end always does the right thing.

And Nolan loves the American people — the wealthy producers who more often than not trickle down their hard-earned winnings, the workaday folks who keep our world turning, a financial system worth saving because it benefits us all, and those everyday warriors who offer their lives for a greater good with every punch of the clock.

While all of Hollywood embraces nihilism wrapped in irony, Nolan moves us with an inexpressibly touching faith in humanity. While all of Hollywood embraces CGI, the shaky-cam, and hyper-editing, Nolan sets his story in the real world and allows us to see what’s going on. And as all of Hollywood embraces hollow, artless, left-wing tripe, Nolan delivers crowd-pleasing, thematically-driven classical art that ennobles the human spirit — and while doing so, breaks box office records.  

There is, unbelievably, more. SEK has a good takedown of all of this, but here he really gets to the crux of the problem:

Conservatives aren’t accustomed to considering cultural artifacts with the seriousness they merit, and so on the rare occasion they want to claim ideological kinship with one, they have no idea how.

Also: The Daily Caller treats the leftist first half like an editing mistake. And ThinkProgress shows how to do ideological reviews of films, if you must. Plus, mine.

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