How To Tell Josh Hamilton From Luke Scott

by evanmcmurry

Here are two very similar statements from American League sluggers concerning mid-season slumps and their relationships to the Man Upstairs. See if you can tell which ones was spoken by the racist, birther asshole with the doucheburns*:

1) Does it weigh heavy on my heart? Oh my gosh. I’d say if I wasn’t a Christian man, I’d be an alcoholic or something — this is something that would have driven me to drink. (via)

2) I’ve been shown a lot of things over the past week. There’s disobedience and there’s obedience to God. I’ve been being disobedient. It may be a small thing to you, but it’s a big thing to him. There’s consequences. It’s like a father and a kid. There are disciplines. You guys can chew on that and think about it. (via)

Perhaps it’s Hamilton’s well-documented struggles with addiction that give him perspective enough not to knock alcoholics while discussing his own failures. But in Luke Scott’s world, being a Christian means never running out people beneath you.

* Do Luke Scott’s sideburns have their own Twitter handle? Of course they do.