Stop Using The Military To Cloak Your Chicken Sandwich Homophobia

by evanmcmurry

John Rocker’s mixed-metaphor, active-verb defense of Dan Cathy’s right to use his First Amendment privilege without having it used back at him began thusly:

I would like to dedicate this column to Army Spc. Orlando Perez who was killed fighting for me in Baghdad, Iraq, on Feb. 24, 2008. Orlando – along with tens of thousands of other heroes – is the reason I, you and millions more around the world can call ourselves free. May we never forget the sacrifices so many have made on our behalf. Rest in peace, Orlando; your sacrifice will never be forgotten.

Uh…huh. Freedom isn’t free, it costs a-buck-oh-five, etc. If Rocker’s next twenty or so paragraphs hadn’t been about the audacity of people using their own free speech to react to Cathy’s bigotry, I guess such an introduction wouldn’t have been totally out of place, though it does seem like a poor use of a soldier’s sacrifice either way. As it stands, Rocker’s lede is enough of a non-sequitur when placed above the rest of the piece that one is tempted to say he used a soldier’s death to preempt criticism of his own bigotry.

Rocker’s not alone. Here’s emergency-editorialist William Kristol on the opportunity Romney missed by not very publicly stopping in at a Chick-Fil-A whilst campaigning in Colorado:

Mitt Romney’s hosting a campaign event at Jeffco Fairgrounds in Golden, Colorado around lunchtime today, and a quick scan of Chick-fil-A’s website shows several locations within fifteen miles or so of the Romney event. So it should be easy for Romney to stop at a Chick-fil-A for a photo-op (and a sandwich!) on his way there. He could also place a large take-out order from one of the stores for folks at his campaign event. And while he’s at it, he might follow the example of a caller from Wisconsin to Laura Ingraham’s radio show yesterday, and use his credit card to pay ahead of time for the next several members of the military who show up for a meal.

What in the name of extra-crispy Jesus does the military have to do with any of this? Hate to say it, y’all, but if you’re searching for a piece of patriotism to act as a last refuge for your homophobia, the military might not be the best option.

But all of that pales in comparison to Fox Nation’s Todd Starnes, whose op-ed-by-way-of-teen-text-message began, “Stand Up to Anti-Christian, Anti-Chicken Heterophobic Bigots.” Hey, buddy, I don’t think it’s the people boycotting Chick-Fil-A who are “anti-chicken.” Guess how I know.