Your Guide To White Nutjobs Writing About Black Olympians

by evanmcmurry

Why does it always have to be about race, etc. If you want the red meat, skip about halfway down.

First, Fox News Sports dude Reid Forgrave dropped his monocle after Serena Williams’s post-Gold celebration:

Then the 30-year-old who will end her career as one of the greatest tennis players of all time did something that could be interpreted two ways: As a stupid and insensitive celebration that dampened the crowning moment, or as a joy-filled nod to her roots.

The woman who grew up in Compton did the Crip Walk.

For the uninitiated, the Crip Walk is a funky little hip-hop dance move made famous by Crip gang members in Compton in the 1970s.

And there was Serena — the tennis legend, the winner of 14 individual Grand Slams, the best player of her generation, the American girl being crowned at the All-England Club as the queen of tennis — Crip-Walking all over the most lily-white place in the world.

Well, I never. Forgrave wants you to know, though, that Serana didn’t do it on purpose: it was unfortunate Compton muscle memory. And just when she was at the doorstep of respectable!

[…] You couldn’t help but shake your head. It was as if Serena just couldn’t seem to avoid dipping into waters of controversy even as she’d ascended to the top of her sport.

“It was just me. I love to dance,” she told a swarm of reporters afterward – every single one of them white. “I didn’t know what else to do. I was so happy, and next thing I know I started dancing and moving. I didn’t plan it. It just happened.”

She was pleading ignorance. She knew that even associating the word “Crip” with a gold-medal performance could be toxic to her image, even if the dance itself is now distanced from those gang roots. A reporter asked what the dance was called. “The Serena?” the reporter suggested. “The Wimbledon?”

Serena just stared at the ground, embarrassed.

“Actually, there is a name. But I don’t know if I — it’s inappropriate,” she dodged. “It’s just a dance we do in California.”

She did totally dodge! Or she just won a Gold medal and became an historically great ahtlete, and was wondering why everybody was asking her about her post-victory dance. Forgrave understands:

But let’s not let her tone of celebration overshadow a stunning performance.

You’re about 250 words too late on that, buddy. Long blah short: if you’re not going to act white, why are you playing a white person’s sport? (See also this nice takedown via Deadspin.)

This next article, however—this one’s a doozie. Debbie Schlussel, whose entire existence seems predicated on the idea that “Muslim” is a misspelling of “terrorist,” takes a break from writing the world’s longest About The Author bio to tackle the scourge of racism in America:

While U.S. Olympic Gold Medalist Gabby Douglas should be celebrating and celebrated for her win as the best female gymnast at this year’s London Olympic Games, she must instead endure racism from America’s most racist segment: her fellow Black women (and some Black men, too).

No, Schlussel has no evidence whatsoever to back up the claim that (B)black women are America’s most racist segment of our country; it’s innate knowledge, apparently the kind you get when you’re a wingnut conservative by the age of 21.

Anyhoo, why’s it always gotta be about race? It can be about class too, you know:

Douglas is beautiful, poised, and in interviews I’ve seen her give, she is well-spoken and classy well beyond her young 16 years (because she’s worked hard and sacrificed the way others her age in America haven’t).

Thaaaat’s the stuff.

And, yet, she’s come under attack from Black women for her hair. If a White person dared say some of the horribly mean things Black women said about Douglas on Twitter (follow me on Twitter), they’d be called out for racism. At least one Black Twitterer called Douglas, “a beast,” because of her hair.

Nice interpolation of your Twitter account. That must be the hard work and sacrifice you were talking about.

But, as we all know, there is a great deal of self-hatred and racism within the Black community that is stronger than anything the Klan could ever posit.

We do all know that. Innately. No need to consider counter examples.

Frankly, I’m not quite sure what the problem with Douglas’ hair is. It looks fine to me, but maybe it’s another one of those fictional “it’s a Black thing–you wouldn’t understand” moments.

Do you follow Reid Forgrave on Twitter? He seems to be an expert on African American culture. You two should DM.

It’s pretty obvious that there’s an element of jealousy by all of these Black women attacking Douglas…Her mother sent her away to predominantly White Iowa to train for years on end. And I think the Black women criticizing her resent this. They won’t openly admit it, but they think this makes her too White–her hard work, her polish, and other characteristics that are sadly viewed as “unhip” in Black American culture today. Ditto for the fact that she speaks English without a Black or Ebonics accent.

Hey, remember Ebonics? Haven’t heard that in about 15 years, have you? Wasn’t it supposed to destroy the English language or something?

You don’t see White people attacking Douglas’ hair. Just Blacks. And maybe there’s also an element of refusal to give up the mantle of victimhood, instead of embracing the “we are the champions” mentality and pride that is appropriate here. Giving up the perks of victimhood is expensive. Leaving the plantation is tough.

Leaving the plantation IS tough. There’s no hard work and sacrifice there. Just the easy life. But I, for one, will not be comfortable with this article unless the idea of slavery is turned back on (B)blacks themselves:

Frankly, Black women should be applauding Douglas for not spending a zillion years as many Black women do, using scar-inducing hot combs and chemical relaxer to constantly smooth her hair. If you’ve seen “Good Hair,” the Chris Rock documentary on this (read my review), or lived amidst Black America (as I do), you know what I mean. It’s a form of slavery to their hair they voluntarily put upon themselves to look more like the White women that they hate.

There is, believe it or not, more. Schlussel didn’t live amidst Black America just to impose a word count on herself. That would be slavery.