Today in Confederate Flag Wrestling Masks and Abilities of Deduction

by evanmcmurry

What in the deep-fried fuck:

Sen. Paul had known that I used to wear a Confederate wrestling mask as part of an old radio shtick, and I still sometimes used the Southern Avenger moniker—it was my Twitter handle and appeared on my Facebook page. But he hadn’t known about the many stupid and offensive things I’d said.

Of course not. What about “conservative flag wrestling mask” or “southern avenger” would lead one to assume offensive or stupid views? That’s just silly.

What Starts Here Ends in Dick Measuring

by evanmcmurry

What did Ted Cruz (R-I Will Not Eat Them on a Bus) accomplish with his 21 hour 19 minute fauxbuster? Well…

Totes the start of a new transpartisan conservative movement, absolutely.

Freedom Means Never Having to Pay Your Taxes

by evanmcmurry

Finally, a libertarian stands up for big business. What does liberty mean if not stealing $74 billion? It certainly can’t be this.

Rand Paul Is Just Another Politician, Part Bajillion

by evanmcmurry

In which Rand Paul confirms that he doesn’t care bupkiss-squat about civil liberties for anybody but people who look like him/could vote before 1964:

“Here’s the distinction: I have never argued against any technology being used when you have an imminent threat, an act of crime going on,” Paul said on Fox Business Network. “If someone comes out of a liquor store with a weapon and $50 in cash, I don’t care if a drone kills him or a policeman kills him. But it’s different if they want to come fly over your hot tub or your yard just because they want to do surveillance on everyone, and they want to watch your activities.”

 You already knew that, but now you know know it.

Let the GOP Intraparty Gun Control Squabble Commence

by evanmcmurry

Enjoyez-vouz:

The Republican conflict came to the fore last week during a closed-door luncheon for Senate Republicans, when Susan Collins, eyes blazing, stood up and complained about a series of attack ads that she was facing back home from a gun-rights group with deep ties to Senator Rand Paul, Republican of Kentucky.

Ms. Collins, who faces re-election next year, said the gun ads were an example of the kind of internal Republican warfare that has hindered the party in Senate races the last two elections.

[…] Then Mr. Paul, feeling attacked, stormed out.

More from Sargeant on the group:

The group, the National Association for Gun Rights, has also run ads against other Republicans — such as Reps. Eric Cantor and Scott Rigell — that show these Republicans morphing into Obama, simply because they embraced the most modest of Obama’s gun reforms, such as making gun trafficking a federal crime and improving state data sharing with feds on the mentally ill, while rejecting virtually all of the other major items on it. Now Collins is a target.

When Eric Cantor is too compromising for you…

Today In Libertarian Hagiography

by evanmcmurry

Pierce quickly and thoroughly dismantles Politico‘s theory that Rand Paul is leading a mainstream rebranding of libertarianism:

In this context, “libertarianism” is a marketing device, a way to keep young bond traders comfortable within a party whose base is still snake-handlers and still stock-piling arms against the inevitable Kenyan Muslim gun-grab…They’re basically Tea Party types who’d (pragmatically) still allow the government to bust you for selling an ounce of weed but not for selling millions of dollars in trash derivatives. 

One of the stranger parts of the 2012 GOP primary—a strange time all around, if you recall—was that Paul père‘s campaign was figured as an ideological resurgence despite performing abysmally. Paul was the second highest funded candidate of the race, vastly outspending anybody below him, yet never came close to winning a primary, and finished in most states in a distant fourth. Paul actually became less visible as the campaign wore on—his sole viral moment came when he suggested letting an uninsured man die on the curb of a hospital rather than spend public funds to save him, a moment notable solely for its sociopathy—and the only reason he was there at all in the end was thanks to the inmates who had taken over his asylum and were trying to rig the rules of the nomination process.

In short, Paul spent tens of millions of dollars more than anybody save Romney, and still had to cheat, and still didn’t even clear the threshold for the nomination process. All the Ron Paul Revolution stickers can’t put the surge in that resurgence.

Paul fils is a more limber salesman, and he seems far more willing than his intractable father to bend his position to suit the political moment. But reading a cause’s rise in his skill at realpoliticking is to see something that isn’t there. Twelve months ago, Ron Paul’s mix of Austrian economics and lawless social policy was losing elections—badly—to Rick Santorum, who just this morning voiced his determination to take the GOP to its grave before supporting gay marriage. When you can beat that guy, we’ll talk mainstream libertarianism.

Rand Paul Is Just Another Politician, Part the Inifinity

by evanmcmurry

Politico‘s attempt to paint Rand Paul as yer thinking man’s 2016 principled politician hits a bit of a road bump:

He’s more cautious than voters realize. His immigration speech is a case in point. An early draft obtained by The Associated Press prompted the wire to report that he would endorse a “path to citizenship,” but when Paul delivered his speech, he avoided that term. Afterward, he and his team offered conflicting explanations but stressed he doesn’t support “amnesty.” The episode showed how careful Paul is not to offend activists in places like Iowa.

Cautious! I remember from the Comments Section of every article on père Paul that non-“caution”—they had a different word for it—was the whole point of a Paul presidency. I guess Paul fils is making cautious principled amendments to the family ambition cause.

Or, in Pierce’s formulation: “So someone bought this principled fellow the Rosetta Stone program for Weaselspeak, and it’s working out well. No wonder a Politico reporter is impressed.”

She’s Who, Now?

by evanmcmurry

The rest of Aqua Buddha’s filibuster aside, is this country EVER going to get past Jane Fonda?

Rand Paul Is His Own Troll

by evanmcmurry

Senator Rand Paul told Clinton he would have fired her after Benghazi if he were president.

So apparently a Congressional Hearing is the real-life version of an internet comments section.

Rand Paul: Abortion For Some, Missile Defense Systems For Others

by evanmcmurry

Dave Weigel catches an interesting little digression from Rand Paul (R-Aqua Buddha):

There’s no reason our White House, our Capitol, and our major cities shouldn’t have a missile defense.

Huh. Is this the same Rand Paul who blocked a bill granting D.C. budget autonomy? It is? The same bill he blocked with a rider codifying the city’s ban on city-funded abortions for lower income women? So he doesn’t think D.C. should have control over its mon—you know what, I’m not even going to finish that.